38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
