Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
