i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
