i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
