Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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