Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
