I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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