Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
