dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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