ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
