remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
