I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
