Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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