from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
