where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
