I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
