Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
