i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize