I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
