i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
