it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
