he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize