I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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