If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
