Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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