he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
