You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
