I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
