He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
