WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize