Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
