I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
