I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
