Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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