$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
