I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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