oh god the rape fog is back!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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