He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize