flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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