Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
