there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
