census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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