Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
