i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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