I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
