your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
