stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
