so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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