i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
