Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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