you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
