I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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