Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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