We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
