We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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