Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
