Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize