I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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