Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
