hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
