Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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