I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
