I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
