Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
