I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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