Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
