she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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