if you like me you must not know who I am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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