As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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