Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize