Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize