I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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