Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize