ya dads aren't the best wingmen
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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