Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
